I haven't written you back yet because every time I think about you, I shut down. I'll start crying, or lose the ability to speak coherently, or just get really emotional and want to throw things and or scream.

I love you. And that sucks. Because I'm not with you.

And that sucks. Because I love you.

I miss you so much.

But I don't know how to be with you while still feeling true to myself because you're pulling me in a direction in not ready to go. I acknowledge the fact that it's probably the right direction. But I'm uncomfortable moving that direction because reasons.

I went ice skating today with friends. I just about had a seizure. You were everywhere. I couldn't stand it.

I'm so sad.

Everything just. Fucking hurts. So much.